I was reading Diva about the divorce of Wong Li-lin and Allan Wu and they were one of the celebrity couples whom I placed my bet on would last, but unfortunately they had been estranged and divorced for quite awhile . Personally, I felt that they did not take the divorce lightly and it was a hard decision which they came to because they also had to share the custody of 2 children between them. It must have been difficult for them because the whole media world was waiting for them to take an interview which Wong Li-lin bravely did recently.
Another more interesting article that caught my eye on Diva was the split of handsome actor Orlando Bloom and Australian Supermodel Miranda Kerr. They looked great together and had been together for more than 6 years and between them, they shared a beautiful son called Flynn. Obviously, celebrity status and the Tinseltown limelight had taken a toll on the celebrity couple who were always in the limelight and amongst beautiful people. Of course, after a few years of marriage, the eyes start to rove but when you are in a committed relationship, my take is that you should always remember to go back home to the wife and the beautiful kids and vice versa.
The trend on divorce has been rising rapidly. People are taking marriages more lightly and signing on the dotted line of divorce papers to solve a relationship issue has become an accepted norm, it has become prevalent and it is here to stay. With divorce lawyers earning more with heightened divorce rates, couples should really consider taking marriage counseling before marriage and more so before signing on the dotted line of the divorce papers. Although in the past, I would not even have thought about co-habitation, but now, I seriously think couples should stay together first before tying the knot, given the current wretched situation.
I have known my husband for 3 years before we were married. We were 2 strangers who started to live together and we had so much to fight about especially when it came to doing the household chores. In Singapore, almost all of us had the luxury of staying with our parents rent-free and helpers to order around before we started families of our own. We were so used to the pampering and suddenly when you have a new husband, dishes to wash and toilets to clean every Sunday, not to mention that I was working hard and traveling so frequently, the fights were incessant and it took a toll on us. In the end, we decided to hire a part-time maid to help us out with the chores. The arguing on household chores stopped and as time passed, we got used to each others’ habits. On top of that, we had to get used to each others’ families and of course there was also the MIL versus DIL wars. When you marry someone, you marry the whole family too. I think this was the most difficult part to get past. We stayed with my husband’s parents for 6 months before we moved into our own apartment and the fact that my in-laws always wanted us to live with them made it quite difficult when we moved out. However, it was my husband who thought we should have our own space.
It took us about 4 years to really iron out all the differences between us. Soon, we were always making plans to spend more time together. We love going on trips and staying at fancy hotels, far from the pressures of the city. We got married pretty early so we thought we could have kids later and enjoyed ourselves first. We were very selfish then. After taking enough trips, we decided that we should look for a bigger place and then we started planning for the buy and the move. Moving house was never easy. It took weeks of packing and unpacking. The house needed decoration and this was difficult because both of us were working. Soon months passed and our new place started to look and feel like home but something was missing. I guessed my maternal instincts were kicking in and even though my husband was alright with or without kids, the peer pressure was another source of stress and tension for us to have kids, so I asked my husband to try for a kid. We were super lucky that after trying for more than 6 months, Caden came to us as a gift from Heaven. The stork had finally arrived after 7 years of marriage.
With the baby, we had to learn another course- Parenthood 101. My husband, Mark, was great with Caden. He always helped put Caden to sleep. I was the one who was always uptight and concerned about Caden’s growth and health because he was born with weak lungs. Every little cough and fever, I would be super worried and would rush to KKH before we found Caden’s current pediatrician at The Kinder Clinic. 18 months later, I was pregnant with my second son, Charles. My mom who helped with the care of Caden, was practically screaming at me for having another baby. She said and I quote, “You should have discussed with me first.” I thought the statement was quite hilarious.
With the birth of our second son, I was really into motherhood. My career took a backseat and I was looking at enrichment programs all the time and comparing with other mothers. My new textbook was kiasuparents.com. I neglected my husband totally but he did not mind. He was brave and took over looking after Caden while I tried to spend more quality time with Charles. We had hoped to prevent sibling rivalry, but to no avail. We took a great leap in our relationship. We became parents and we were now responsible for nurturing and looking after 2 young lives. The kids were always with us and we hardly had time for each other. I made a critical decision to leave the corporate after 14 years. I wanted to be there for my kids and not missed out on their childhood. However, after working for so long, I felt it was boring and belittling to be taking monies from my husband. So, I started a blog and then I took out my own savings to start a baby business. After a year, the baby business got serious and I was approaching retailers to sell our exclusive products. Fashion has always been my passion and with so much energy and experience from running my first business, I decided to take another try at running a branding, marketing and fashion agency with my 2 young kids in tow. I made a silly mistake of not asking help or looking for partners. The businesses just took its toll on me and they needed so much of my time and attention. This year, somebody finally hit hard at me and told me that my family was the most important thing and whether the businesses worked out or not, was secondary. We had to go back to our basics- OUR FAMILY. My husband had been stretching the timeline on his ultimatum for me to spend more time with the kids, so I decided to take on lesser but more meaningful projects, so that I can really spend more quality time with Caden and Charles.
My husband and I have been married for more than 10 years and have known each other for 13 years. Although we fight and sometimes, we took some time off from each other, Mark and I always stayed together. We stayed together because 10 years ago, we made a huge commitment at ROM and our boys cemented our relationship. I still remembered that before we were solemnized, they asked us if we wanted to go through the solemnization ceremony first. We felt it was strange but we said we did. We worked hard at our marriage. Mark tries hard to provide for the family and when he comes home, he plays with the kids. I can see that he is trying his best to be a good dad, and he needed me to be on the same team, which I have decided to be on.
We made our choice to get marry and have a family, so we needed to make an effort to keep the marriage going. Marriage is hard and it needs working on. You really need to give each other time to adapt and forgive often. I cannot imagine my life without Mark or my kids. The picture is just not there. I treasure my present too much to give it up and so even if there is shouting, quarreling and squabbles, I learn to forgive and forget and then move on. Do not go to bed angry. Communicate as often as you can and you will get there. Mark’s snoring will always be a part of my life. He’s great for me and I hope he will read this because he made a great deal of sacrifices on his part to be with me and our kids.